It’s A Wrap

Some people thought it was grisly when I won the contract. I make last meals for prisoners on death row. It’s a good contract, the food is good—pricey, but good—and we deliver. But I want to make this clear: I’m into food, not death. I didn’t write the contract, I’m […]

It's A Wrap

Listening Wet and Dry

Listening Wet and Dry

So it turns out there’s a strong correlation between saliva production and the qualities of listening. In my book, as you no doubt already know, I call these phenomena “wet” and “dry” listening. Just in case my book tour hasn’t reached your town yet, and you aren’t enrolled in my […]


The Soccer Mom League

The phrase originally referred to a purported voting block, but we take the game very seriously. We’re done driving our kids to practice. We’re moms and we play soccer like we really mean it. I’m Julie, league founder and president. You’re probably curious how thus came about—everybody is. I’ll tell […]

The Soccer Mom League

Elephant Pudding

Elephant Pudding

I eat what I hunt. People complain, but where does their food come from? Animals! Except for those crazy people who only eat plants. They say to me, “Bertram, why do you kill animals?” “To eat and to live,” I answer. “That is the way a real man lives.” I’m […]


Red Herring

From the menu, I ordered the red herring just to throw off the waiter. What I really wanted was the Steak Dianne, a dish named for me. (You don’t need to know my age.) I was testing him. Morton had been my waiter since I was a child. He knew […]

Red Herring

Varieties of Love

Varieties of Love

Leslie was done with love. She’d had it many times in many ways. She’d enjoyed platonic love with George with whom she took long walks in the park and had discussed the human condition. With Albert she had a passionate affair until his wife found out. It was messy. After […]