I couldn’t find my effing pills and now I’m in the ICU.

I always keep them right next to my bed. On the nightstand. Yeah, it’s a little messy, but I never had trouble locating them before. So last night, I went to sleep and then woke up in the middle of the night in a panic!

I forgot to take my pills. The pills for my heart. I reached over for them, but they weren’t there!

Doris was away, traveling with some girlfriends. She’s always yelling at me to be neater. I didn’t realize it right away, but it turns out Doris did me a favor and cleaned up my nightstand. And so, I couldn’t find my pills.

I got up and searched for them, but Doris must have put them in a really safe place because they were nowhere to be found. I decided to call her, but my cell phone wasn’t on the charger. The charger had also been put away. Somewhere.

I ran out onto the street in front of the house, screaming like a mad man! It must have been 4am, but I couldn’t be sure because I couldn’t find my watch. At some point, I collapsed and ended up in the hospital. I can’t talk with all the tubes and oxygen, but they gave me a pad and pen so I can write notes like the one you are reading.

If Doris calls after I go, tell her I cleaned up and put my life insurance policy in a very safe place where she’ll never find it. I wish her luck.