So, it came to pass that the nation split. Amicably. The blue regions became the Humane States and the red regions became Freemerica. Both nations believe they are living in paradise and pity the other poor bastards who live in hell.

The split was complex. In the end, there was massive migration and the two nations were separated by a wall and a “purple” demilitarized zone. It became Korea, right down to the nukes.

The Freemericans were always touting their might and threatening bloody destruction if ethnic people from the Humane States tried to invade their pure country. No ethnic people ever tried but Freemerica always believed that this invasion was imminent.

Similarly, the Humane States worried that gun-toting yahoos from Freemerica would find their way into the de-gunned country and shoot the place up. This didn’t happen either. The yahoos shot each other up instead.

So, it was under these discomfitting conditions that the summit was held. It was originally planned for the purple zone, but moved to Switzerland. The Freemericans were thrilled about the large numbers of guns in Switzerland (see!) and the Humane States admired the decent social safety net. Something for everybody.

That said, the summit did not go well. The Freemerican’s executive, Strong Leader Bob (“Wild Man”) Zinger did not trust or like the Humane State’s Lead Representative Abe Logan. Bob thought Abe—who came unarmed!—was a fool, or worse. Was he concealing a bomb under his sport jacket? Who knows?

And Abe was completely mystified by Bob. Why the camoflague gear? And the long rounds of bullets hanging around his body? What was he thinking?

They shook hands. The handshake convinced Bob that Abe, with small boney fingers, was weak. Abe was convinced that Bob was using a crushing grip to try to injure him. From there, it got worse.

The Swiss hosts tried to smooth things over but it was useless. In the end, the two national leaders were screaming at each other. They came to only one agreement: there would be a war. To the death.

A nation divided cannot stand, apparantly, ever.

 

Stories Two Countries